'Seismic shifts' happened in a lot of relationships He also hopes that people just find it to be a good, helpful read. An isolating pandemic and deteriorating planet has made people focus more on themselves and their relationships. The book's enduring appeal, he says, is possibly because the world seems a lot scarier than it did 10 years ago. 'For the longest time I didn't even know about 'Attached' being so popular on TikTok,' Levine says. Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.

Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

The three attachment styles, as defined in the book by Levine, are: Amir Levine and Rachel Heller posit that children's attachment styles, first pioneered by John Bowlby in the 1950s, can be applied to romantic relationships between adults. The key to healthier relationships is to become aware of our emotional needs, the tendencies that pertain to our attachment styles, as well as the interactions that may occur with opposing styles.In the book, authors Dr. It is indeed possible to grow out of an attachment style. However, the book does not conclude that we cannot change and develop more secure attachment styles during our adulthood.

Anxious-avoidant (disorganized): fears abandonment/loss of their partner’s love, inability to express their needs.

Secure: comfortable with intimacy, develops romantic relationships relatively easily.

Avoidant: learned to fend for themselves and project high self-confidence, acting unaffected if a partner comes or goes.

Anxious: overanalyzing partner’s signals, second guessing their feelings, and worrying they may lose interest or end the relationship.

The authors explain the development of distinct attachment styles during people’s upbringing and categorize the attachment styles (not in order) as: In other words, at the root of healthy relationships lies a mutual fulfillment of emotional needs that encourages independence. The book “Attached” captures the essence of attachment styles and challenges the notion that dependency is this “bad thing” most of us were taught.Īmir Levine and Rachel Heller show how independence ensues when we allow ourselves to depend on another person who can effectively fulfill our needs.

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